2019

2019 is here, ladies and gentlemen. 2018 has slipped into yesteryear, and I for one, was not entirely prepared. January 1st is now, and I’m still finishing last year’s to do’s.

Does anyone else feel like the New Year doesn’t really start until the second? Like, the night before we stay up well past midnight, and the following day we eat the leftovers of the night before, and are obviously in no mood or state to exercise and stuff, so all of our resolutions get pushed til the next day? Or is that just me haha?

2018 was an overall uneventful year. Getting over a hardship we had endured late 2017 took a bit of doing, and as most harmful events in life, it will be a continuous journey of healing. But as I said, 2018 was rather uneventful. I went on some trips, visited friends, got behind in school, procrastinated, and saw some projects I was really excited for fall apart. So good and bad and in between and mostly uneventful-ness.

But 2019 is a new year. Ya know how some people have like a “word/phrase of the year” like “joy” or “healing” or “just breathe” or “be brave”? Well I have a phrase this year, and that is “dream small”. Yeah you heard me, *small*.

This doesn’t mean I don’t have goals or aspirations or that I don’t want to do anything exciting these next twelve months, but simply that I will try my best not to overwhelm myself with millions of plans and resolutions, and therefore have the opposite effect and shut myself down from doing anything. By giving myself too many things to work towards, I kept disappointing myself when I wasn’t able to complete something and that made it much harder to complete anything.

So this year, “dream small” is my motto. To go along with that, most of my “resolutions and goals” are pretty small things, except a few big things, like exercise and walking that are big but I know I can do it. So some of them are reading books more often, watching sunsets, keep being regular with photography, and to not set myself up for failure (though that last one may be more easily said than done).

Anyways, I hope you all have a wonderful 2019 full of growth and blessings and finding great music and seeing awesome movies, and sitting on a roof with your best friends and looking at the stars and breathing and loving and living life to the fullest, one day at a time.

Anything you’re looking forward to in 2019? Goals? Plans? Happy New Year, one and all!

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I’m 17, it’s the 17th, and I’ve got 17 things to say.

Time didn’t fly by this year, in fact it often seemed painfully slow, but at the same time, it seems as if my sweet 16 was just the other day.

Today I turn s e v e n t e e n. And no, I don’t feel ancient or anything. Honestly I had to remind myself once or twice that I wasn’t going to be a year older than that. Seventeen doesn’t seem very old, so I’m ready.

It’s also my golden birthday! 17 on the 17th! *throws confetti* huzzah.

Since I’ve not got any idea of what do do for this post, I shall simply share 17 things with y’all.

1. I’ve finally realized that you really do only get to be a kid once. And soon that’s going to be over and I am going to have to start (yikes) adulting. That’s pretty intimidating, since I’m staring down two completely different routes I want to take job wise.

2. /’When I was seventeen, my mother said to me “Don’t stop imagining. The day that you do is the day that you die”‘/ (17 by Youth Lagoon). This is pretty sound advice. Imagination and creativity is what makes life possible and worth living. Blogging, writing, photography, everything, takes imagination and creativity.

3. I am enough on my own, and that’s really hard to accept sometimes, and accepting it won’t get easier, but it’s steadily becoming more and more important for me to remember. I’m enough.

4. If you live life asking yourself the question, “would Tom Hiddleston be proud of me if I did this?” there’s a chance you will become a beautiful human being.

5. Being brave is really, really, really hard, but generally it is completely worth getting past whatever you’re afraid of.

6. I have a really hard time remembering to do things. So high-five to me for remembering to put this post up.

7. Clearing things out is really helpful. Your brain, your closet, your Pinterest boards. It’s like taking a deep breath of fresh air. Although it usually takes me a few days to successfully clear anything.

8. I hate having to be productive. But I feel so good when I finally do something. This is one of my number one struggles. This is probably not one of those moments where I’m supposed to shrug and say “life goes on”, but…

9. Go places. I love going places, to the chagrin of my parents. I like going on trips to visit my friends, I enjoy driving and flying in airplanes, and I almost always enjoy the process of getting somewhere as much as I enjoy being at the place.

10. Hold on to the nostalgic and beauty in life. Little things that stir your soul, s make you sigh with content at the loveliness of life.

11. I need to stop giving up on myself and what I do. That poetry I think is stupid? It might turn out ok. The song I’m singing? It might actually sound nice. The pictures I take? They might actually be pretty. The new dress I got? It might actually look nice on me. And even if I fail at stuff, I can always try again.

12. “Don’t give up on your dream, unless your dream is stupid.” ~Kid President I mean there’s nothing to add.

13. Play more music, listen to more music, sing more music. Music is all life.

14. Life is what you make it.

15. Alone time is really important. But spending time with friends and family is also important.

16. Have fun. Be creative. Let go and let live. Be yourself but be the best version of yourself.

17. “You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen” (dancing queen by ABBA). 17 is still young, I’m not hardened by the world, and I should take this year as my last year of freedom from true, heavy responsibilities (not that I don’t have stuff to do). I’ve always heard that dancing away your cares is a good thing to do. And since I love dancing (I’m awful at it tho) I shall try to dance more often. Swing dance with my friends, pretend I’m a talented tap dancer, and just dance around my room.

don’t need to be perfect

[I wrote this at 3am last night when I couldn’t sleep, due to feeling under the weather. It’s not polished or refined, but as you’ll see, that’s basically the point of this poetry. You don’t have to be perfect to be loved. “Perfect” is boring. I guess this is basically about how easy it is to compare ourselves to others, to think we’re not good enough, to feel like we constantly have to measure up to someone better than us. And that because we’re not as good as someone else we think we’ll never find love. You don’t need to be perfect. You really don’t.]

don’t need to be perfect

by Lissa (M.L.)

“Because yes, she may indeed be a hundred times more beautiful than you. And she might be more academically capable, or more artistically talented. She might be able to perfectly express what she is thinking, she might get any job she wants, or spend time with anyone she wishes to. She may be thinner than you, or more curvy than you.

She may have a straight-forward way of introducing herself that attracts everyone in the room to her. Or she might stand shyly in the corner, with such an aloof and mysterious demeanor that everyone is vying to engage her in conversation. Her hair is probably much more smooth and calm than yours, and her eyes are the shade of the sky at its brightest, and she has the grace and elegance of a queen. She most likely has an extensive vocabulary, impeccable timing, and an immaculate sense of humor. She is perfect, if we’re being honest.

But can I ask you something? Who likes perfect? Because again, if we’re being honest, I’ve never met someone who wants perfection. Sure, you might think everyone would want that, but once they discover it, in the world’s standards, they discover it is altogether too… boring. I know that he’s never wanted perfect.

He always hoped for someone with a few battle scars, a few stories to unravel. Someone who isn’t gorgeous in society’s standards. Someone who is short or tall, thin or thick, because, blast it all, he won’t care what you look like. You don’t have to be brilliantly intelligent, or incredibly creative. You don’t have to have perfect timing and an impeccable air of poise about you. He wants someone real, someone with depth, someone that takes time to get to know, and someone who will challenge and grow him.

She might be able to write a biography that details exactly what happened in a person’s life. She might be able to paint a picture that shows exactly what that person looked like. But could she write a true to life piece on what that person felt? Or paint a masterpiece that captures not just what the person’s appearance was, but what they were thinking, hoping, dreaming of? Probably not. But you could.

Maybe you’re the type of person who doesn’t know when to shut up, or the type of person who for the life of her can never seem to say a word. Maybe you’re somewhere in between. And that’s fine. That’s who’ll he’ll want.

I think, if I know him at all, he’ll want someone with a twinkle in their eye, someone who falls and scrapes their knee, even when there was nothing to trip over, someone who has crazy, wild hair.

He won’t care if you’re not perfectly collected like she is. I think he’ll like how at first glance, your brown eyes seem simple, mundane almost, but how when you get excited or passionate or that temper of yours flares, how your eyes light up and glimmer.

And maybe it’s just me, but when you accidentally snort because you’re laughing so hard you can’t breath, I think that will just make you all the more enchanting. I think when you accidentally introduce an awkward silence into the conversation, he’ll fill that with silent thoughts of how he wants to learn more about you.

When you stare out a window for hours at a time, or listen to the same song over and over because it means so much to you, he’ll find that as an excuse to speak to you.

When you accidentally let a tear drip down your face, because you’re tired of being tough, and you’re ready to be held, I think he’ll like that. I think every piece of the puzzle that makes up you, every layer yet to be unraveled, every complexity in your bones, every dream of your heart, every ache of your soul, well… I think he’ll love that. I think that he’ll love you.”

[Lemme know what y’all thought, I’d love to have your two-cents worth.]

{Also, none of these photos belong to me}

Through It All

As once again places around us are burning down, my heart is heavy. The fires are crazy this year, and this one is the closest to my home yet. I don’t know what God’s plan is, and it’s so heartbreaking to have people’s homes and belongings and businesses and basically everything they have be taken from them. We currently are safe, but that could change at any moment. I had to chose what I would save if the fire came closer, and that’s so terrifying to me. We are hosting someone who has lost his home, we are hearing of so many others. We see the fire looming in the distance and clouds of smoke everywhere. Pray for this fire to be contained and put out quickly. Pray for rain. And pray for peace and comfort for everyone who has lost something. I know that through it all God is here with us, and through it all, He has a plan.

“My flesh and heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

“I lift my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My head comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2

“For I am the Lord your God who takes a hold of your right hand and says ‘do not fear I will help you.'” Isaiah 41:13

I’m still here and alive!

 

all photos belong to Unsplash

Heeeeeeyyyyyyy! Remember me? Yeah I’m still alive, I’m still here. I know it’s been over like four months since I last posted, but life just happened and I meant to post and haven’t and yeah. But here I am, alive and well, although utterly exhuasted from a wonderful but long couple of weeks (run-on sentences, anyone?).

So what have I been doing since early June? Lots of things, and lots of nothing. I spent the month of June doing school, since I had gotten so behind. I got to go to the beach multiple times this summer, hang out with lots of friends, go to camp and festivals, etc.

Hours spent with friends, hours doing school, time exploring new places, passing the one year anniversary of living in this house, etc.

Although I’ve also been a little bored with life, and had some disappointments in projects I was excited about. So that’s rough, but things will (hopefully) get better.

 

I got to reconnect, grow closer, and even make a few new friends this year. I saw a shooting star for the first time this July, while on a roof in Idaho, I watched dozens of sunset, and once again hurt my ankle.

So I’d say overall it’s been a nice summer, and like every time in life, has had it’s ups and downs. Sorry I’ve been MIA, It’s just when I’m busy, I’m busy, and when I’m not busy, I just want to recuperate. Hopefully, I’ll be doing better with posting! TTFN!

Here’s to…

all images credit to Unsplash

//feeling grateful for everyone who is currently in my life, who has been in my life and whoever will be in my life. this post is dedicated to y’all (as you’re reading this you’ll most likely know who you are).//

Here’s to the people who’ve passed me by in the street and smiled.

Here’s to my mother for always being there, for showing me what love is.

Here’s to my father for buying me flowers on birthdays or when I’m not feeling well.

Here’s to my best friend, and the time we spend together.

Here’s to my siblings and our dumb inside jokes.

Here’s to the ones with depression.

Here’s to the farm boy who tells the punny jokes.

Here’s to the few like me who don’t like coffee.

Here’s to my ballerina/ lioness/ honorary sister.

Here’s to the people I don’t get along with, because we’re too different, or maybe because we’re too similar (even tho we hate to admit it).

Here’s to the people who have hurt me, in the long run you’ll have made me stronger (I’ve forgiven but not forgotten).

Here’s to the boy who’ll someday hold my hand.

Here’s to my role model, who reminds me what’s important.

Here’s to the One who made me and everything else. (without Him we are nothing)

Here’s to the girl with the messy hair and sad smile (the one that’s me, but don’t worry, I’m keeping my chin up).

Here’s to everyone who has made me who I am and will be.

Here’s to all of you.